*SIGH*

Feeling better day by day though obviously not completely over 'it'. I have decided to seriously look into the lapband sugery option.

I am so disappointed with myself for letting everything fall by the wayside while I was sick. I also think though that (for me personally) I am possibly setting myself up to fail by taking on so many changes at once. Adressing what to eat, when, and how much. Trying to get into regular exercise and trying to manage sabotaging thoughts and emotional eating habits. I can definately do all of this, but as soon as another factor is added, like a major stress or sickness, it all comes undone.

The logical approach would be to focus with one at a time, develop the skills and habits and then move onto another area - I just have such an all or nothing personality!So, the plan is to get back to the cognitive therapy workbook and make that my focus. I will try and be aware of what I eat and also try to be more physically active, but will really make the workbook my main concern. I think I might start from the day 3 again. Oh, and the journal as well.

SICK

Sick as a dog...willpost again when I am feeling a bit better.

:-(

DAY 11

Having MIL here and T home all the time was a challenge, and while I am a bit sad that I wasn't more focused and applying my new thinking habits, I am quite pleased that I didn't go completely off the rails, which is exactly what I have done every other time I have found myself in this situation. Mind you, the caramel frappacinno is getting close - but I did drink it sitting down at a designated snack time!

Not 100% sure why I am feeling so tired. Having a period for 2 weeks isn't great, the metformin is making me nauseous, and the weather is very hot, everyday over the 40's. Perhaps a combination of everything.

Tomorrow I will start week two of my workbook, as well as a 2 week challenge to lose 2 kg. I am going to start reducing the amount of bread I have been eating. Feel free to comment if I eat too much wheat flour!

DAY 10

I'm feeling incredibly tired and somewhat unmotivated today.

I have noticed that I can't allow myself to get too hungry at this stage - I almost frenzy eat once food is available and inevitably eat too much. That happened last night and today at lunch.

I am enjoying the meals out that we are having while the MIL is here. Nice not to have to cook.

I didn't exercise, but did do quite a bit of walking around the shops, 2 hours worth. I went shopping while the others went to the movies to see WALL.E. Apparently it was a great movie, but it was nice just to have some alone me time. I bought a new top. Trying on clothes made me feel a bit miserable.

DAY 9

An easier day, although feeling hungry all day and as a result - grumpy. Then overate at dinner, my stomach feels like I have a lead balloon in it. Only saving grace was that the food was all good - Lebanese.

Having a hard time remembering to take my meds. Have had a period for a week and a half now as I forgot to take the pill for 3 days and it started up again just as it was finishing. Feeling quite tired, I expect that that might have contributed.

+tives

Made time to exercise and pushed myself a bit harder that I wanted to go. Quite upset to see how much fitness I have lost. When I arrived here 6 months ago I was running on the treadmill, now a brisk walk is hard.

Recieved some great advice - thank you.

-tives

Just felt hungry and deprived all day. Managed to stick to eating a scheduled times, but then doubted if this was the best approach.

DAY 8

A challenging day today.

My mother-in-law arrived today and I allowed the change in daily routine to stop me from exercising. Absolutely no reason not to. I did get a fairly reasonable work out getting the house looking nice and pretty though.

Was incredibly grumpy feeling. I didn't get to eat at regular times and restricted what I did eat for appearances sake - which compounded the problem. Interestingly, this denial of food because of others made me want to go and eat something particularly bad. Hmmmmm.

I picked up some fruit/biscuit bars for L while supermarket shopping with MIL, she commented that they were loaded with sugar. I had chosen them because I am clearing the house of nice stuff and felt that there should be something nice for L now and then - and these bars I personally don't like. Tim said something along the lines of "isn't there something healthier". I put them back on the shelf and told him he could choose something and left them to it. I felt that MIL wouldn't have made this comment if I were not obese. That started the foul mood. Tim in the end chose something that has waaaay more sugar + chocolate, and of course I LOVE them. :-(

On the positive side, we had a really late dinner and I was very hungry. While I was preparing the salad I went to put a bit of cucumber in my mouth and then stopped. Rationalised that although the cucumber was in no way a problem food, eating anything while preparing meals at this stage would be no help in trying to establish a new routine. Great positive inner voicing me!